Not doing anything right today. Can't play chess properly, can't play badminton properly, can't play bball.. Getting so irritated with myself. Can't even live up to my own expectations..

Walked to Alex's house to return her her book. My gosh, she's like living next to cj!! 2 mins already can reach there.. And she still don't want to come.. Felt a bit bad.. She let me in to see her house then was saying she wanted to play chess after she ate.. So she was telling me can play piano first for fun.. Then I asked her if she had any piano books.. Didn't think it would be much of a problem cuz usually piano books are always near the piano.. But in her case, they were somewhere in her father's room.. So when she was halfway through breakfast, she ran upstairs, ransacked her father's room for piano books then kind of made her older sister look for piano books so that I could play.. I was like.. "nvm nvm it's ok.. don't have to look for it.." But think she didn't hear.. Argh.. Malu.. Gave her so much trouble.. After that, played chess with her and lost to her twice!! Was playing so horribly!! Free piece here, loose piece there.. If I'm going to play like that for the team, I'll be the cause of the team's downfall.. This is not good.. Must practise more!!!! It's only one week away!! ~Pressure~

Just slept the rest of the day away.. Then dragged myself to exercise.. Played badminton with my brother.. Couldn't hit the shuttlecock properly.. Even the nice easy-to-hit ones, I couldn't get.. Was already fuming inside then he started using tons of vulgarities.. So I can't hit it properly.. Don't have to curse and swear right? Bball just as bad. Not a single far shot one got in!! Not one.. after don't know how many tries..

Losing my sense of self.
I'm just so fake and pretentious.
I hate such people.
Therefore, I hate myself.
Is it better to keep quiet?
Or to say something for the sake of not being anti-social?
Don't like silence.
It's awkward.
But I can't say anything either.
It's not genuine.

Just want to be left alone for a while.
It feels nice to sink into the depths of melancholy.
Alone.
No more obligations.
No more responsibilities.
Just momentarily peace.

Friday

Had national day celebrations!! Hee, was so fun!! Went early in the morning to join cac choir and meeeeelia. Saw aud and sarah there!!! Yayz!! With all the legion people!! Love hanging out with the legion people.. They're always so optimistic and jolly.. Hahaz.. Then so many people I knew also singing.. daisy, terri, justina.. And got whacked so many times!! First, I kind of told daisy that I don't go to church then got whacked.. After that, got whacked by her again.. forgot why but was something about doing something un-religious.. Wah, didn't know she was so steadfast in faith.. Then told aud that I got whacked then she and sarah started whacking me!!

Then had this charity walkathon. Don't know what for though.. Didn't seem charitable.. The only thing we did to help the children for the milk (Mainly I Love Kids) fund was to collect donations. And I was so guilty that I didn't ask people to donate so I went to donate $50.. Only after I found out that practically everyone else also didn't ask people to donate.. -_-.. Thought we were walking up dyson rd.. But in the end we took some other route so didn't walk past my house.. Half wanted to run back home but there was this teacher at the turn.. So sad!! Was walking with sijia.. Didn't know where the rest of the class went.. Heez, so wanted to go back to find them then can walk together as a class.. Then sijia was saying that it was nicer to walk two people.. Haha, so the whole way we were debating whether to go back or to walk alone.. By the time we walked back to cj, we were still debating.. heh.. Kind of defeated the purpose already.. After that was the mini parade.. So nice!!! Was super cool!! Hee, and our class was swaying to the national day songs.. due to charmaine's influence.

Went out for lunch after that.. Was supposed to go out with one whole bunch of t33 people.. But then.. Due to unforeseen circumstances.. Only had four people left.. So went out with zhongxun, meiling and cheeseng to orchard seoul's garden cuz zhongxun had a nice voucher.. But then when we reached there.. My gosh.. Was so packed.. One loooong queue.. After half and hour, we were looked inside and we were quite happy to see some empty tables.. But then, this chinese tour group came, didn't even bother queueing and occupied all of it.. Argh!! Felt so cheated.. Here we were waiting for ages and they get to go in just like that!! Going to sign up for the next chinese tour group.. hmph.. So in the end went to yoshinoya to eat..

Then visited my juniors!! Heez, everybody was practising so hard for the team.. Then was playing with angie.. And kept on giving free pieces!!! *zhuangz tou* But good, can see everyone improving.. And the sec1s are so enthu.. Gdgd.. Go ij!!Heheh, must win again this year!!

3:44 pm ·