Kaez.. Sorry if i'm going to offend anyone.. And jo.. Don't read.. Heheh.. Seriously.. Christmas mass was really really really borrrring.. And it was causing my grandma to become dizzy with all the standing, kneeling and loud singing.. Although I don't think it was that loud.. In fact it was quite soft.. Not many people could be bothered to sing.. Only listened to the choir sing.. Then, being late.. as usual.. we were all seated behind the chapel and there were no hymn books left! Don't know what they were singing.. Almost all the songs were unfamiliar or changed tune. And those familiar tuned songs were too high to be sung! Then there were so many kids crying too.. If I were their age I would probably join them. Painfully boring. Was so envious of those running around the grass area.. They looked so free.. and liberated. While all the older people who had no excuse to do that suffered in silence.. Well, at least those sitting around me. Shaking their feet impatiently, checking their watches continuously..
Some more the priest was contradicting himself in the sermon. Heh. First say all humans are priceless and should not have a value placed on them. Then he says when we go to heaven, we get a passport where the number of stamps on it are like our good deeds. This would determine whether we get to the gates of heaven. But by saying that, it's as good as placing a value on humans based on the number of good deeds that they do.
By the mere thought of this, I'm probably already committing a really huge sin.. The last time I went for confession and told the priest that I didn't go to church, he made me say 3 our fathers, 3 hail maries and 3 glory bes.. Which is quite bad cuz everyone else only had to say 3 our fathers.. So if I'm in church but I'm only physically there and thinking all these.. Don't know how many prayers I have to say.. I don't see why this is a sin in the first place.. The not going to church part.. I just don't have the faith.. So.. if I don't believe that much in the first place, there is no basis to say that I have sinned.. So what's the point in going for all these??

Shouldn't have given that present. Should have put more thought into it.. Argh.. Dreading later.. When she opens it.. Wish that she would leave it wrapped.. And know that I gave her something.. Rather than open it and then see.. that it's so impersonal.

5:13 pm ·