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Friday, December 02, 2005


It's slowly sinking in now.. That we are no longer part of cj anymore. No more torturous pe lessons, no more slacking around in class during break, no more suicide runs during bball, no more getting thrashed (especially by some cruel person) during chess, no more checking out who cut what hair during lectures, no more messaging under the table during lessons, no more photocopying prelim papers, no more uniforms and finding stuff (earrings/hairbands/watches/shoes) to match it, no more gossip sessions.

It has been fun while it lasted though. And it was interesting to meet all sorts of people. It was a slight culture shock initially. First it just felt so weird that there were guys.. And there were people who actually talked to each other in chinese.. And separated from my ij bunch.. Only got auddie left but her class was like so far away in j1. After being familiar with everyone for 10 years, cj felt like such a foreign and unwelcoming place in a sense. Everything was so different and it was like we had to start anew again. Then for people like me, who find it hard to mingle and chat with people I don't know.. My gosh it was just so.. bleah..

People talked about thing that were so different from what I was used to back in secondary school.. Their interests were also different. And there were so many spontaneous and outgoing people that it somehow scared me. Then everyone wore shirts with the first button unbuttoned (aiya last time I didn't know it was supposed to be like that k..) and all the girls came in short (shorter than what I was used to) skirts, coloured bands and funky shoes and bags.. And I was like.. Big fat schoolbag and normal shoes and dark blue band.. Super normal.. So normal when everybody was so unique that I felt so out. And it because of this, I slowly grew to be more self-conscious. And changed my perspective of what can or can't be done about an image.. It's something fake sometimes, but necessary. And also, at other times, maybe it is your image that shapes your personality. Cuz, most people behave the way they think others think of them. And, the way others think of them, especially first impression, is dependent on image.

Another thing was also the friends you have. It felt very different also, in the sense that it feels so fluid. Of course there are still people that will be there for ya and can depend on. But there are so many other people that you just feel so uncertain about. Whether they truly want to be your friend, or just pretend to be out of courtesy or other things. And at times like these, people's true colours do show and you start seeing how people can be so different from what you made them out to be. And from there I also start to learn about myself, and realise that I am actually capable of doing the same, though I try not to. And that sucks. During these two years, there also have been quick friendships, those that are good but short-lived. There have been people who also move around from different groups of people. Dunno whether that's good or bad. Cuz it shows that people generally like them.. Kinda.. But, when they have a problem, or they're feeling down, then who do they turn to? People will feel it if you just turn to them when you're feeling down, then join another group when you want to have some fun. Cuz that would make that person seem like.. a fair-weathered friend or something like that. Who's true and who's not..? But I know for one thing that I also have made great friends here. =)



~Some things are meant to be forgotten, and others are to be remembered and cherished