Escapism

Ok, since I have nothing better to do, and have a terrible mind that can't seem to want do anything because I'm in that "couch potato" lazy state, the best thing to do now is to use this as an avenue of decluttering my mind till I can work again.

I woke up early this morning feeling very fresh, and proceeded to continue packing my room. Progress was good since yesterday as Junyi also had been a very big help and sped up the process much. It was only after I got this stupid email that I felt super frustrated - it was a reminder for us to:
1) submit names of proposer and seconder
2) deadline is 3nov

ARGH. This spells bad news for me. Firstly, without a proposer and seconder, I can't join the course, where they're in charge of making sure I stay sane and support me over the course. In order to get either of them, we have to complete several challenges for them, which is why I threw my big house party and went to the office all the way to Henderson Industrial Park from 1am-2am for most nights last week to align chairs and items on a table in a restricted time period.

Those are still do-able. The one that I'm having major problems now is the last and final challenge which I cannot say out. But it's basically something against what I believe in and getting it done totally goes again everything I stand for. Almost. So it's a huge fight with myself just to even try. I've done a few attempts, but each time they lead to failure, and puts me in a worse spot before. It's highly discouraging and it really needs time to do.

But, from tomorrow to 3rd Nov (note, 3rd Nov deadline DIES), I am having stayover company induction. So what I can do is highly limited over this time, which makes me more certain that I'm going to fail for this task. Which:
1) makes me appear lousy
2) makes me have no proposer which:
2.1) I have to find a new proposer who would accept that I did not complete a particular challenge within the little time I have

What's even worse was that, when I called to doublecheck whether the seconder I found and agreed to be my seconder was ok being seconder, the course leader rejected my request when she said she would help me check earlier. So I'd have to:
3) find a seconder
4) do any challenges the seconder asks me to do

All within the time where I go for my induction.

And oh, by the way, I also have 10k great eastern, and have not found the time (ok fine, and the will) to train for it. Have some oral test in between too. And have to pass the test and the challenges before finding the coaches on 3rd Nov GROWL!!!

It's freaking annoying when everything is coming together, and you see no hope for any of that.

So once I made that sms to find out about the seconder and got a reply, a wave of extreme dread and annoyance just came over me. So much for the promise of learning events, becoming better.. All these stupid admin things are already weighing down so much on me and becoming so much to bear.

I really want my freedome back. Pity I sold my soul for 10months. That's if I even get in. Perhaps if I just slack off, I could have my soul back even before it starts and I can just live life normally once more.

So once again, can I escape, please?

12:01 pm ·